parenting struggles

Santi’s Terrible 2’s are kicking my ass!

being a father Fatherhood Parenthood Uncategorized

I feel like I am writing this post while waving a white flag in peace/surrender. Holy shit. I can’t take this anymore and I’ve ran out of methods to deal with and tolerate it.

Hey, this is not my first rodeo, I dealt with Nati’s and Nico’s and we survived. We figured out ways to manage them and we all came out on the other end. This time is another type of beast and this one is kicking my ass.

I think part of the problem is we have been dealing with this while we’ve been dealing with babies that were not sleeping through the night and we were trying to get them there (as of now they are sleeping through the night. Yay!) so every temper tantrum Santi throws, exponentially increases the magnitude of the issue and the urgency to make him shut up! ☺

90% of the time, he is the happiest, coolest kid. But the other 10% he is like a combination of Damian/Chucky and seems to lose his sense of hearing, his sense of reasoning and everything else.

When shit hits the fan, he goes into this non-stop crying mode. It can be triggered by multiple things, but here are some of the most ridiculous ones: “I just woke up at 3am and I want fucking juice”, “I wanted to lay by dad but then Nati or Nico laid by mom so now I want to lay by mom or else!”, “Nico beat me going up the stairs, how dare he!”, “I want to get what everyone else is playing with, now.”. The list goes on. Never a “oh well, that makes sense you are upset, screaming your lungs out seems to be the best approach” type of scenario….. sigh.

The above could fall on the normal reasons why someone 2 years old decides to throw a temper tantrum. What’s not normal is the “exorcist” mode he goes into. Even if we cave into his ways to make him stop, he gets himself in such a state of mind that he does not hear it! He keeps screaming “No!! No daddy, I don’t want (enter random reason here)”, or “I want juice” even though I keep telling him he can get some.

I’ve tried timeout, tried reasoning with him, tried the whole hugging thing, tried to get him to take deep breaths (ha!), tried putting him in our walk-in closet, escalated by turning the light off for a few seconds and nothing works! I’ve tried all these things not to be mean, but to try to snap him out of that state of mind!! Trust me, if it wasn’t because I would have to clean it up afterwards (and because Becca will probably kick me out of the house) I would have tried throwing cold water at him to get him to snap out.

So far, he is winning. By a lot. Actually I think we are both losing because it sucks for everyone involved. My hope is that “this too shall pass” but I am hoping this happens sooner than later. In the meantime, I need to probably find ways to meditate, stretch, explore breathing methods, read or whatever the heck I need to do to work on MY patience so I don’t lose it while Damian is going nutso around the house. Maybe that is the positive thing out this clusterfuck. I may become a master meditator, breathing dude or awesome at venting on a blog.

Wish me luck. ☺

OUR WEEK – A BALANCING ACT

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Throughout our six years of parenting, we’ve never been a family committed to a “structured routine”. We have been more a “go with the flow” type and that has worked for us. Yes, of course, there is a “loose” routine that we try to adhere to, but we are very flexible since every day brings on new challenges.

With Emi and Ale, things have been more structured, and although we still don’t follow a strict schedule, we do make sure they are doing things like eating and “sleeping” at the same time… otherwise Becca would be feeding a kid every hour on the hour… but that’s a whole other post.

Since Becca’s family left, we’ve been working on returning to our normal routines and making sure everyone is able to participate in their extracurricular activities. Nati attends modern dance, ballet and gymnastics, Nico rides BMX strider every other week (or we try to) and he started his soccer season once again and Dad plays Ultimate Frisbee with the Florida Masters team (33+ years of age).

I am not going to lie.. it has been hard for Becca to haul all 5 kids to dance and gymnastics, but luckily I’ve been able to take off early 2 days of the week so I can attend Nati’s gymnastics and coach Nico’s soccer team. In addition, we juggled this weekend so I could run errands for our business on Saturday morning, and then I headed out to Gainesville for our team’s practice/tryouts… Plus it doesn’t end with just their activities… we then rush home to prep/eat dinner, get lunches ready, do homework, put kids to bed, etc etc.

Last week, Nati was also asked to participate in her school’s Open House event. She and other kids from her kindergarten class showcased a few of the awesome things they’ve learned this year, and some of her art was even featured! She was so proud, and deservingly so.

Nati’s Art featured at the Open House

Nico and Santi helping get Emi and Ale to the Open House. 🙂

I mention the above because Becca told me Nati wanted to participate and asked me if we could make it. I said: “If it is important to her and she wants to do it, we’ll make it happen”, and so we did. And we always do. We believe it is important for everyone to be able to do what they want (within reason) and feel the support of the family (all of us).

I know it was hard on Becca this weekend when I left her with all 5 kids so I could go practice (Nico was supposed to come with me but bailed last minute because the weather was crappy… smart man). We knew it would be difficult, but Becca understands how important it is to me and it had been on our calendars for quite some time now. She was a champ and I was SO appreciative of her sacrifice so I could enjoy what I love.

Due to so many accidents on the interstate, I was re-routed through the country roads. So relaxing.

Horse farms in Ocala, FL on my way to Gainesville.

This past week was a great learning week for us. It taught us that although it will not be easy, we can still manage to fit in what everyone loves to do and do it with everyone’s support. Yes, there are sacrifices being made, but that’s what we do for the people we love. After this week we feel ready, very ready. Bring it on life.

This picture sums up the crazyness levels at home. LOL.

Strike a pose. Policemen version.

Some of our favorite pics from the week/weekend.

The babies are here! – How our other kids welcomed our new additions and the “Twins” phenomenon.

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Besides the crazy rush we went through to deliver Emilio and Alejandro, (ok never mind it wasn’t THAT crazy) having twins seems to be a “novelty” and one you need to navigate carefully so everyone involved feels loved, cared for and important. Especially when you have 3 more kids to worry about!! 🙂

Going into this we knew we had our work cut out for us to make sure Nati, Nico and Santi were going to be ok with the arrival of two more babies into their lives. And not just 2 more babies… twins! Identical twins! Whoa! A phenomenon of its own! Since this is our 4^th rodeo, we kind of think we know what we are doing. We’ve dealt with “sibling displacement syndrome” (I totally just made that up) twice already and feel like we succeeded at it. But this is a different ball game ladies and gentlemen, this is twins. This is the “I want to dress them up the same and make them look so cute” game. This is the “Oh my God you have twins! How cute! Tell me all about it!” type of game. And because of this, I/we need to step up our game and say “Hey! Thank you, yes! They are twins (yet they are individuals… oh boy.. that’s another thing we’ll deal with) but check this out! We have 3 other kids who are amazing!! Yes, we are Catholic (very non-practicing) but that is not why we have so many… And these are their names AND they are awesome because they do this and this and this…

And don’t get me started with the looks we’ll get… and my struggle to hold back my desire to punch or say something to those I can tell who are judging us… This is definitely another post/rant. 🙂

So, because of all of the above and a ton more, we tried our hardest to make sure Nati, Nico and Santi felt not only special, but also so they could feel that everything was normal and their world was not turned upside down because Emi and Ale had arrived…

In an effort to do this and due to the timing of their arrival (one day before Nati’s 6^th birthday), my schedule was out of whack the first couple of days… trying to juggle being at the hospital to support Becca and tending to the newborns while still maintaining “normality” in everyone else’s lives!

This is sort of what Monday night and Tuesday looked like.

Monday 7:49PM: Welcome babies to the world.

Monday around 9pm: Nati, Nico and Santi come meet their new baby brothers. 🙂

Monday 9:30pm: I leave with the kiddos to put them to bed at home (about 25 mins away)

Monday 11pm: I head back to Hospital

Monday 11:30PM – Tuesday 6am: tend to newborns as needed. “Slept” in a very uncomfy chair.

Tuesday 6am: Get up and head home.

Tuesday 6:30 – 7:30am: Get showered, pack Santi’s lunch, wake up kiddos, get them ready for school.

Tuesday 7:40 – 9am: Drive Nati and Nico to school. Then drop off Santi at daycare and head back to Hospital.

Tuesday 9-11am: Tend to newborns and Becca as needed.

Tuesday 11am: Head out to Target to get cupcakes for Nati’s birthday and get lunch for Nati and Nico.

Tuesday 11:45 – 12:30pm: Brought cupcakes to Nati’s class, they sang to her, went to get Nico from his class and had lunch all together! I loved all of it. 🙂

Tuesday 1pm – 2:45pm: Back at the hospital.

Tuesday 2:45 – 3:45pm: Head out to pick up Nati and Nico from school and back to the hospital.

Tuesday 3:45 – 5pm: at the hospital.

Tuesday 5 – 5:45pm: Head out to pick up Santi from daycare and back to the hospital. We had dinner at the hospital.

Tuesday 8:30pm: Took all 3 kids home to put them in bed and once asleep, I went back to the hospital.

Rinse and repeat.

Phew…. That was ONE CRAZY DAY! But those are the sacrifices we needed to make for our kids to make sure their lives were “normal”. I would do it again if I had to (oh wow.. just jinxed myself… just kidding, we took care of that AND I probably will go double whammy and go in for my vasectomy too).

Besides all the crazy things we had to go through, the kiddos LOVED their new baby brothers. They wanted to see them at all times, they wanted to hold them, feed them and kiss them. Santi (our 2 year old) was the only one that was uneasy around them… as if they were too little and he was afraid of breaking them. Emilio and Alejandro couldn’t be loved any more by their sister and brothers. And now that it has been 2 weeks, I can honestly say no one has felt “displaced” or not loved. Heck, we do try hard and make a conscious effort so that everyone feels “special”- as parents each of the kids holds a special place in our hearts.

I am so proud of my Nati, Nico and Santi and so appreciative of how welcoming and loving they’ve been to Emi and Ale. It makes me smile to think about all the love they share and all the amazing memories they will build together. We are so excited about our adventure. It has only been 2 weeks and I would not change a single second.

We are seriously Happy Number 7. 🙂

Babies Update!

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The date is rapidly approaching, that day when we become a family of 7 plus our dog is less than 3 weeks away.. yikes!

Whether we are ready or not, what we have left to do, what we have done so far and whether we are freaking out or not is content for another blog… it is coming.. just not even mentally prepared to put it on paper!

This post is to share the amazing news that our baby boys have cleared the date when their arrival might have been considered risky… Cleared the date where we would have had to go to a different hospital that had special caring facilities for premature babies. We are in the clear. If they were to decide to come into this world tomorrow, we will be able to go to “our” hospital and the delivery would be performed by Becca’s doctors. The ones she’s been seeing since we were pregnant with Nati (that’s right, I said “we”). Moving forward, our babies will he delivered where we received all 3 of our other kids as it is likely that their lungs are developed enough. Again, it’s “our” hospital, our comfort zone – and this is very important at the time of delivery. Trust me, this is my 4^th rodeo.

In addition to the great news above, the babies are doing great! They are growing at a very nice pace and weighing approximately 5.5 and 5.7 lbs respectively. The momma could not be doing any better (considering the circumstances). Yes, of course she is tired, in pain at times, uncomfortable, itchy, etc. but none of these are anomalies for a pregnant woman at 36 weeks of pregnancy. She is rocking this pregnancy yet again – she is good at this!

For the past couple of weeks both of the babies were facing head down in perfect position for delivery. However, on Tuesday we found out that one of them decided to rebel against the system and decided to show the other baby who the alpha kid will be. He decided not only to shift, but also to pin the other baby down so no further movement is possible, or at least the chances are minimal.

What does this mean? More than likely Becca will have to deliver via C-Section- this is new territory for us. But hey, everything about this adventure seems new. Because of the position of our little rebel, the doctors will not perform natural delivery at the risk of encountering complications and having to do an emergency C-Section- they require both babies to be head down.

The bottom line: It sucks for Becca as the recovery is longer. It sucks for me because I will be exposed to things I’ve never seen before and I am not 100% sure how the heck I am going to handle it…. I hope well enough to be Becca’s rock by her side, but I seriously have no idea what to expect … let’s just hope I don’t pass out or are scarred for life.

The good news in this is that unless the babies decide to make an appearance earlier than expected, we will book the delivery date. Doing this allows us to plan ahead, plan who’s going to be watching the kids, who’s taking them to school, who will house-sit, who can we count on for running errands, cooking meals, etc for the kids. Trust me, it is not an easy task. Taking care of 3 kids at once (ages 6, 3, and 1) when you are not used to it can be a daunting task.. only a few people (family :)) are ballsy enough to volunteer for the task.

By scheduling, we can pack our bags, set up our alarm, prepare ourselves and the kids mentally and physically, etc. I like it like this. All of our kids have been scheduled – as mentioned above, Becca rocks pregnancies and kids seem to get comfy in her belly and choose to stay there as long as allowed.. 🙂

Crazy long story short, we are in the final stretch. Babies are, thank God, healthy and so is Becca, I couldn’t ask for anything more. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we embark on this insane adventure in the next couple of weeks.

Thanks for “listening”. Can’t wait to welcome you to our world little ones.

To Party or Not to Party?… That is/was the question.

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I wish this post was about Becca and I partying… that has not and will not be happening for a while.. but our day will come..

Nati’s birthday is at the end of this month.. she is turning 6! Holy cow… where has the time gone? I know it is the biggest cliché, but man, time does fly, they grow fast… too fast for my taste. I absolutely LOVE everything we’ve experienced with Nati and everything she has taught us. Being the oldest kid, she has been the one that has opened our eyes to so many things and has helped us grow as parents. She has been the “manual” for our other kids, and truth be told, a huge role model for Nico and Santi.

Anywho I digress as always…

Being that Becca is as pregnant as pregnant can get, and that the 38 weeks mark is on 2/6, we did not know whether we should even consider throwing a party for Nati. The uncertainty of what could happen does not really leave much room for “reliable plans” but, after sitting down and evaluating how Becca was feeling and how the pregnancy was going and talking with Nati, we decided it was best if we did organize a party for her. We had to plan..and quickly! I seriously bought the invitations that night, reserved the place the next day, and distributed the invitations 2 days later. Yes, we have all guests on standby in case I need to send a mass text from the hospital with party cancellations 🙂 but we are moving forward with it. We are also going to keep it simple, not a whole lot of prepping and stressing the night before: simple games, pizza (delivery) and cake.

It has been a big year for Nati so we wanted to celebrate it. She started Kindergarten and is doing great, she showed great improvement in her gymnastics and ballet skills (as seen here), she learned how to ride a bike without training wheels (read here), she learned how to read (this should’ve topped the list :)) and she has continued to be an amazing little girl full of love, compassion and joy. How can you not celebrate!?! Hehe. And of course, we do not want the anticipated delivery of the twins to lessen the importance of her special day!

The theme she chose for her party is “doggies”. Definitely not a whole lot of activities planned that are “dog related” but at least her cake, plates, cups, etc will include dogs. We invited her classmates and a couple other friends and are hoping for another gorgeous Florida day so we can play games outside and simply let the kids be kids. My aim: keep a permanent smile on my baby girl and try for both kids and adults to have a great time. (adult beverages provided of course. #thatisagiven)

So… we are partying!!! At least we are planning on it.

Cheers to the unpredictable future, flash party planning and happiness all around!

Nati loving on our almost 10 year old black lab Sammy.

What they are not telling you: Pregnancy is hard on men too!

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Yes, I admit it, it is much tougher on women as they have to endure the body changes, fatigue, lack of sleep, deliver the baby (or in our case babies!), etc, etc, etc. However, it takes a village! It is a long ass process… 9 months (or 10 months as my wife will correct me) of constant support, stepping up our game to cover some of the tasks previously performed mostly by our wives, helping to parent the other 3 kids AND tending to the needs and mood swings of our lovely pregnant wife 🙂 Love you babe.

I am going to go ahead and say it: It is f**ing hard and gets tiring too! Yes, my body is not going through insane changes like my wife’s, but my mind and time management is out of whack! Because a pregnant women’s energy is being consumed by the baby, they often (and deservingly) need more “down time”. This is where our role becomes more important and more tasks are added to our list. It seriously feels like I don’t have time for anything else other than coming home to cook, have dinner with my family, spend an hour or so together, clean up the house (toys everywhere), get kids ready for bed, read, practice phonics, and then back downstairs to finish up cleaning or go to bed. Rinse and repeat the next day. And No Free passes – it’s all got to get done. Thankfully, at home we have a very good team (see previous post here) and Becca, as pregnant as she is, carries a good amount of weight (pun intended) on our daily home chores.

I am thankful that Becca is an amazing pregnant woman; she is a trooper– she is active and rarely complains. Also, during all 4 pregnancies she has not had any middle of the night cravings where I need to leave the house to find a Hot Fudge Brownie with Ice Cream or some crazy stuff like that…. Her cravings are much more manageable, very few and they usually happen at lunch or dinner times (pizza, chipotle, five guys, etc.). Her Coca Cola craving is the only one that is a bit out of hand 😉 especially since it HAS to be fountain soda so there’s no way for me to be proactive and have a 2 liter handy in the house…

Needless to say, at the end of the day it is all worth it. The return on investment is astronomical, but I am not kidding… it is hard on everyone– I am sure other fathers can relate. AND consider this a warning for those men that don’t have kids yet — Yes, she is the one carrying the baby, but the weight you need to carry around the house will also get heavier.

And this is only the pre-game show…. The real deal will begin once the babies are born. Bring it! 🙂

Parenting: A team sport.

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This is true regardless of the number of kids you have– whether it is 1 or 5! Of course, the more kids you have the more “complex” the job could get but luckily, the more “seasoned” you are. The team chemistry has developed and the team (mom and dad) have a good idea what to do to get the job done.

This certainly applies at our house, in parenting and in life. It works differently for everyone so I am not trying to say that what we do is “the best method” (not even close)… it is just what “works” for us. Just like when it comes down to finances, for some couples a joint account is the best option, for others it’s not.

At the end of the day, we know what tasks need to be taken care of (dinner, lunch for the kids, laundry, cleaning up after the kids, getting ready for school, getting ready for night time, etc). At home, we don’t have assigned responsibilities so it really becomes a “you do this while I do that” approach. And it works. I am glad because it could be an overwhelming ordeal! We have a good team. 🙂 We work together to complete tasks, maintain a sense of balance, maintain our sanity (for the most part) and the kids are always being watched and taken care of. Also, as they grow up, they are given more responsibility and become an integral part of the team.

Oh yeah, there are days when we feel we could recruit an army to watch our kids AND still not get the job done. Sometimes when all the planets are out of whack and all 3 kids are in the “I am going to make my parents life impossible today” mood, it feels as if nothing works! It feels like a “I am going to pour me some scotch and hide for hours while I remind myself that this too shall pass” kind of day! 😉

So, hats off to single mothers and single fathers. I honestly have NO idea how you do it and how you manage to raise good kids and maintain your sanity while holding a job. Parenting has got to be one of the most challenging tasks (and of course THE most rewarding as well) and I cannot imagine doing it without my partner. I am grateful for my team.

Cheers to parenting teams! Cheers to family. Cheers to making it “work”. Whatever it takes. 🙂

“Me time” is just as important. Weekend Lessons and fun.

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This weekend started off rather early for me. I had to do a delivery for a client in Indian Rocks in the morning so I started my day earlier than I wanted to, but it was worth the effort – on my way to pick up the equipment I found a Colombian Bakery and although I did not have time to stop on my way there, I made sure to stop on my way back. Around 10:30am I was back home with some yummy bakery treats for everyone!

The rest of our Saturday got busy doing stuff around the house. We finally got ready and left the house for lunch with the idea to go to Target and let the kids pick what they wanted for their Christmas list for Santa… That plan got interrupted by a lady that was interested in some of the clothes we had for sale from our failed yard sale so we went and met her instead…

At that point, the kids had started to get restless; we needed to find an activity for them or else our afternoon drama would be intense! We needed a playground and we needed it quick! Energy HAD to be burnt! 🙂 Thankfully we remembered there was a playground close to our meeting point so we headed there for a good 45 minutes.. the weather was kind of crappy so we left before we had planned…

Once home, the kids continued to play as Becca and I were trying to finish up stuff around the house… in one instance and after many times of asking the same thing from the kids and frustrated by no one following directions, I snapped… raised my voice and sent everyone to their room – not gonna lie, not my brightest moment… but I felt that my frustration was building for hours!!… Rightfully so, Becca was disappointed at me, we had a small discussion about it and she went up with the kids…. I headed to the kitchen, poured me a single malt and went to my room to practice learning the ukulele…. And while playing is where I learned my lesson…

First of all, I learned I need to work on my patience with the kiddos – sometimes I forget how young they are and I expect too much of them. I honestly need to make a conscious effort about it. I am admitting my issue and going on record so this blog can hold me accountable for my improvement.

The other lesson I learned is that sometimes we need to be “selfish” and spend some “Me time”. Before you judge me, listen up. Just like spending time with the kids is a main priority, spending time as a couple and spending time with yourself is just as important. To be able to be happy and joyful around the kids at all times, one must be happy with themselves and with each other. I really enjoyed taking 1 hour to myself to play and to just “disconnect” for a little. By the time I was done, I had time to reflect on my stupid reaction, I was able to spend time doing something I like to do for myself and was able to get back to my kids and family with a “fresh” new attitude and had a great night thereafter.

So although it is very easy to get consumed by “kid time”, as adults we need to make an effort to work on our relationship with our significant others and ourselves. We need to find a little time to fulfill our happiness as individuals and as a couple. Whether it is time throughout the day or late at night once everyone is asleep, the key is to find the time and make it count. Trust me, it transcends to the relationship with our kids and our home’s harmony.

Our Sunday was a lot of fun, we spent our morning at home being lazy followed by an awesome lunch at a local place that offers my 3 favorite things when wanting to hang out: outdoor eating, live music and beer. The kids had a blast jamming to the tunes played by the band and enjoying the nice Florida sunshine and breeze.

From there we went to a playground to get some exercise and then back home to cook dinner and get ready for the night. By then, we were ALL tired.